Lies

Lies, omission, farce, deception.

They are in the faces of everyone you meet. The truth, the cold and hard truth is covered by sweet and sticky falsehood. There are voices in our head that tell us “This is the better way” and “They will never know”. But sooner or later, it will blow on our faces. It is better to have a few friends in our lives rather than a million false ones. To which can some day discover all of the things you omitted. So we become a living farce: hiding our truths, scared to risk it all for something more. Something that will bring us peace. We are so scared to be who we really are, that one day we don't even know where to start. We can look in the mirror and say: “this is me”. But, we ask ourselves, “who is that person, whose hands and eyes are these?”.

Deception towards ourselves, for we fool our mind into believing these are only crazy thoughts, those that you have in the shower, or before sleeping. On those ungodly hours that you roll in your bed not being able to sleep. Or on those times that you are in the bathroom of your school or work and you feel like you are going to break and wish you could disappear. You think about how easy it would be to just stop and end everything. But you don't because you are too weak and afraid of what will happen to you. And so the voices get louder and louder: you lie to your family and friends: “Everything is fine!” And then you wonder “How can nobody see how broken I am? How can nobody see through my cracks and my glistening eyes? How can nobody hear the heaviness of my breath, the murmuring in my chest, THE VOICES IN MY HEAD?”

Breathe it in, breathe it out. Count from one to ten, or cry out loud. Go for a walk in the park, or lie in bed and into your pillow shout. Listen to music and sing with your broken heart, or dance to it till your muscles spasm. We all have different ways to cope. But no matter what you do, other people will disappoint you so. They play the victim, they abuse you and use you till you are paper thin. They lie through their teeth and blame you for everything. But you gotta rise up and fight day in and day out. Because nobody will protect you from the evils that surround you. Those people you believed and loved and trusted and all the things that you thought made them good.

No matter where you go, they will be around you, no matter what faces they wear, or the language they speak or what they believe in. They are the devil and the monsters of life. And you gotta fight to be the one to rise above, the one who is not a monster. And you will be kicked down, punched in the face, have your nose broken and heart destroyed. You will have to ignore the voices in your head and do what your flat and abused heart can whisper in it’s miserable state; you will have to get up even if your bones scream of pain.

And maybe, one day, it will be worth it. I can only dream of that day. In which my soul will be at peace, and the bad will be driven away. Maybe one day, the lies, the omission, the farce and deception will be long forgotten memories of the things that have passed. The voices will be non-existent, and your heart, restored.