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14 Jun 2019 A storm came in and made us crash I feel overcome, try to discern The black was deep but there was flash Inside my chest, it starts to burn I fight, I swim, but no last act I see my life get out of hand Looks like I have to do a pact The sea all is a wasteland The moon I see above me shine The land I love by the coastline My hands feel strangely numb, but then Waves in the distance, I see their foam What is this? Am I home?

1Running through a dark forest, 2A dark shadow follows me. 3Hair blowing behind, 4Whipping my face and cheeks. 5The birds chirping high above, 6Urging me to go on. 7Treacherous roots reach out to grab me as if in love. 8Breathing heavily I hear it closing in, 9Branches leaving red marks on my skin. 10“Go! Run! Faster, faster!” 11I reach out to her hand, 12She is right in front of me, 13I tell her “Wait!” 14But she doesn’t seem to hear. 15The light ahead becomes brighter, 16Blinding. 17“Wait for me.” 18But she runs on. 19No matter how fast I go, 20She is always far from me, 21Shadows all around, 22Some terrible power I can’t control. 23It consumes everything in its path, 24Trees groaning and frogs jumping, 25A fox laughs and I cry. 26Run! 27Wait. 28Run faster! 29Wait for me. 30Which is it?

I ugly cry. My face distorts and contorts, I get red, I get puffy, It isn't pretty or demure. I get loud, I get angry, and I sobb and scream into my pillow. It is my enemy and my friend, The one who cradles my troubled head. The tears fall down, Like rivulets. Opening a path for pain to flow, It hurts so bad, I clutch my chest. I want to punch something, Throw something, Break something, As my heart breaks, too.

1The colours swirl in front of me, 2So bright and pretty, they are all I can see. 3The dazzling shimmer floats in orange light, 4The glimmering dust, a mesmerizing sight. 5The brush sweeps across my skin, 6A single tear falls to my chin. 7Tingling, caressing, when will I win? 8My palette dulls with time, 9Soon, I’ll run out of daylight. 10But still I pick up the brush. 11The night will come, but maybe I can paint it bright, if only… 12If only, I was not so lonely. Author's note: I like to start my poems with a different mood of what it truly means, so for the first first stanza, I chose words that for me show a peaceful happiness to contrast the quiet hurt and grief of the rest of the piece. Swirl, bright, pretty, dazzling, shimmer, float, glimmering, mesmerizing, sweep- are words that have a calming connotation altogether. Single, falls, dull, run out- on the other hand are words that convey a hopeless feeling. The counterproductive act of putting makeup on and crying at the same time is an off putting feeling and quite pointless: why do it at all if it will only be ruined at the end? Any proof of it gone by when you go to sleep, and only so much worse in the next day if you don’t take it off. In the last two lines, I wanted to impart hope. For all the hopelessness we can feel sometimes, there will always be a part of us that wants to believe in something better. Hope is as brief and fragile as the lines 11 and 12: "but maybe I can paint it bright, if only…/ If only, I was not so lonely."

I love you, and I hate you For all the things that you did For the days we laughed And the days you screamed The days you hugged, And for the days you shunned me You loved me because I'm your daughter, But you hated because I looked like you did You hated your body And thought I should also do Why can't me and you go to therapy? Just pills ain't gonna fix it I have heard your pleas Long before I even knew how to scream I was young, only a child And now I can't even work out my own mind Because I am so worried you'll beat me clear You taught me to survive, But shouldn't I have learned grammar? I read books till my eyes closed down Because my own life is too hard to look upon. You bring me to doctors, Who can't see it in my eyes Doctors, whose only worry is writing things down They can't see the tears running out, The way my throat closes and hope once again dies I don't have anyone to talk to You have alienated me since childhood. "I'm your only friend, the only one you can talk to" Nowhere to run, I stay in place Hoping and waiting for one day To leave and get back the life you stole from me The life that's been trying to reach me.

Why do I paint? So that I can bring to life what I create. Why do I write stories? So that I can live in a better world. Why do I write poems? So that I can put down my baggage. Why do I sing? So that I can tell myself that I have a voice. Why am I the way I am? Broken, imperfect, ugly, sad and pathetic? So that you may feel better about yourself.

“We’ve got only one hour, To fill this sour tower, With my love, I will shower You, till my last breath and power. With one hour, we’ll live, With our hearts, believe, I’ll carry you down this very eve, Because you’re my soul, Aviv. Down this golden cage, Away from this life they've arranged, Write a new chapter in a new page, I’ll hold your hand as we age. As I promised on our wedding night in depth, I’ll love you through health and death, Give you riches and fill you with wealth, And we’ll share the burdens and strength. But until then, one hour, I will not cower, I would scour the earth to give you, my flower, My superpower. Give you your God given right, To fight this night, Let you fill it with your bright light, Let you be your own knight. You carry a powerful weapon beside, We’ll fight side by side, Down each step inside, And finally leave this tower behind.” I grip the paper tightly in my hands. After twenty years inside this place, I am more than ready to leave. Brushing my tears aside, I put the paper safely inside my corset and went to my bed to take out a piece of wood. I had found it discarded when I had been moved to this room. After spending a good amount of time sharpening it, the mediocre branch became a deadly dagger in my hands. I look beyond my barred window as I push the dagger beside the poem. The sun is going down soon. I brush my hair and give myself a last inspection in the dirty mirror above my vanity table. My dark green dress was long enough to hide the fact that I’m wearing boots underneath. We’ve been planning this escape for weeks now. Malik had only been able to smuggle me these very boots. Everything else would have been too suspicious and confiscated by the guards outside my room. Tonight is my only chance to flee. Tonight is the ball in which the King will parade me around and announce our marriage. And I’ll be waiting. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The grand ballroom was lightened by candles adorning the golden walls and crystal chandeliers swung from the ceiling. The marble white floor was so clean that I could see my reflection perfectly. But even more luxurious were the clothes of the noble people dancing and talking along with the music played by the orchestra in the back. I noticed the stark contrast of my green dress with their silk dresses and suits. They were made of all the colours of the rising sun. Another evidence of how I did not belong here was their light skin and blond hair. As I stepped inside, my guards stayed behind and assumed places beside the door. Gasps arose as the people inside took notice of me. Some looked on with wonder, others disgust, and my heart twisted. I quickly searched for a familiar face before continuing on. My eyes stopped briefly upon the throne before I found her beside the food table. Shoulders back and tension knotting in my belly I walk towards her and discreetly pick up a piece of sweet off a plate. The waitress I knew as Magda stepped towards me and offered champagne. “Everything’s in place, Aviv. When the King will be making his announcement and everybody's distracted, someone will come get you. Remember the plan.” Without even waiting for my nod, Magda courtesies and slips away to offer a drink to another guest. A second later, the orchestra changed up their tune, declaring the arrival of the King and his gentlemen-in-waiting. The King's pale complexion wasn't hard to find. Tall and young, he walked towards the dais with the confidence that came with his title. Upon his white hair was a white ivory crown and below, a strong jaw clenched and bright blue eyes cautiously darted around the room. Chin dipping slightly in recognition as the people bowed before him. He’s nothing like I’ve ever imagined. It’s not common for the royal family to be seen in public since they spend most of their time in an unknown location. Rumors say that they live in a magical castle made of ice. Not that I’ll ever believe without seeing it with my own two eyes. When he reached the throne, his voice boomed out- “Thank you all for being here on this special night. Tonight, I have an announcement to make. Please welcome Princess Aviv Howl of The Old Kingdom.” With that, the guests opened a path from me to the imposing man. With no other choice, I walked forward and soon found myself putting my hand into his. “I, King Cyprus Balfor of The New Kingdom and Princess Aviv are to marry-” Screams cut him off and as we look towards the sound of glass breaking, we see the shattered windows and people in black jumping inside branding silver weapons. In the middle of the chaos, I rush towards them, but I'm held in place by King Cyprus. “If I have to cut my own hand to be free, I will”. I hiss at him. Surprised, he let me go and I ran towards one of the largest windows and threw myself out of it. One moment I was flying beneath the moonlight, the next, someone caught me in my middle and dropped me to the ground. Their green eyes met mine in the dark and together we ran towards my new destiny.

I don’t need you judging me, Telling me how good you used to be, Comparing your younger self with me. There’s somewhere else you could be, More appreciated than what you’re doing here. Because I didn’t ask for your harsh reality, What you think I should be doing with my time. You say you’re tired of my sadness, That I'm weak and won’t survive. You think you’re helping by telling me those things. But you couldn’t be more wrong. You only make me weaker and more fragile, Unsure of what else to do.

Strangers lives, Fleeting times, Bus passengers, Exchanging glances. Flip-flops, sandals, shoes. A variety of characters and stories. Some on their way to work or someone to woo, Carrying freshly picked flowers. A baby cries out in the silence. The mother shushes and gives a cringed smile, The opening and closing of doors, Each getting off at their own stop. An old man clutching newspaper, What's the news he's been waiting? We are all coming or going, One of my past times is to wonder. Some women like to dye their hair, Others give it an untamed air: Braiding, curling, straightening, All want something different than what they have. I see them as shapes and colours There's a girl wearing black all stars Another adjusts her husband’s collar, It’s in the grip of a hand, the twitch of a leg Beneath the mask, Some are smiling, some are crying Some will have an unwanted child. Some can’t marry the love of their life. All because of the driver Man and Woman, What does it matter the combination Why should you have a say in someone's else's life? All passengers, in a bus driven by a man. Sometimes he doesn’t stop, Doesn’t hold open the door, We have to push and pull and scream to be heard: “This is my last stop!”

Madness. What does it mean to be mad? To lose control of thyself or to be controlled by recollections? The heart I pushed asunder comes back. A heart that in the morrow turned bad. With it I find no directions, I feel the weight on my flesh for what I have done, And again, and again, try as I must, The bane of my broken bones binds my boots to the boat. I am thrown overboard, unable to move without being by my sorrows drowned. Madness. Is it fate, a trait? Or a choice to be made? A choice it is, for I chose greed and my husband, I pushed around. At night I dream of deeds, that is sin to even think, and so I try to clean the hands that to those deeds agreed. It does not matter that I am Queen, because after all that is done, I feel no glee. Footsteps of the dead, they follow me everywhere. Close thy eyes and begone! And do not come back at dawn! I am a blade dulled by grief and guilt, a blade with a sloppy hilt. Madness... Madness… It consumes me with sadness. Ps: This soliloquy was a Creative Writing assignment in which I had to show my take on what Lady Macbeth must have been thinking right after Macbeth saw Banquo’s ghost. (During the dinner with the other Lords). Reason why I chose the theme, "Madness".

It's just like another day But somehow strange in some way Some things never change But it is the way the light bends, The way the wind plays, The way the sky is grey. There is sadness, and happiness on display. Not able to put a finger on it The leaves on the muddy ground transmit A scent of green split Mountains rise in the east sunlit And waves fall in the west moonlit Spent the whole day outside I can't to go home and lie down Look up to my ceiling, And search for stars in the night sky.

(POSTING THIS ONE YEAR LATER BECAUSE I TOTALLY FORGOT TO ACTUALLY POST IT😂) Today is the 7th of July of 2021. It's been a long time since my last blog post, and the purpose to this one is to simply let out all of my excitement of the next video I am working on. I am on a three day vacation adventure with both my parents and some friends. Today is the end of the first day and I have brought with me my loyal Cannon camera. I spent the whole car journey and day documenting pearls of happiness and joy. Beautiful landscapes that surrounded us on our way to Sarnia. Well, everything I want to say about today was that it was incredible. I met new people, made new friends and met new places! My plan with this video is to honor the exciting voyage and remind the watcher (my parents and friends) of all the good happenings they went through. There will be people other than me, so with their permission, I will publish this short movie and bring to everyone who may see it, a glimpse of my joy from a long needed vacation from the reality we are living in. This will be the very first vacation in over 2 years, in which the earlier year we spent a weekend on New York with my cousin and uncle. Therefore, I am very happy to be here! *Today, if I have the time and don't decide to go straight to sleep, I will start working on the first chapter of the video. Wish me luck!