Bleeding

This pain wrenches me from the inside

I am bleeding, sheets forever stained red

I curl up trying to hide

The blood that I have shed.

Everytime it happens, I cry

And I want to eat more, and I crave

Wet hair is a no no, gotta make it dry

Cold drinks? Bare feet? To my grave it will lead.

The pain is my insides' self destruction

Punishing me for not continuing the cycle of life

No matter that my first time was when I was 12 years old

Self conscious of every laugh

Sneezing has never been so dangerous

I am on edge, so nervous

Carefully, thread carefully

Check in the mirror, passerby reflections, is my cloak covering it? "Hey girl! Can you see anything? No? Good, awesome."

Small steps, small steps, gotta get to the bathroom.

"Oh shit, those were my favorite pants!"

"Oh shit, I'm at school, I don't have a pad!"

"Aw fuck, you think I am being dramatic?"

"Aw fuck, Sir, do you really want to see what is in my bag?"

"No no, go on. Tell everybody what is in it"

"Oh you are all red! Something wrong?"

"Yeah, that's my special kit"

"Can I go now? The flood is pretty strong."

What don't you understand?

This pain wrenches me from the inside

I am bleeding, sheets forever stained red

I curl up trying to hide

The blood that I have shed.

The blood that follows me, and always comes back.

It is my only loyal friend, who arrives always on time

But like a toxic relationship, it leaves me bruised and hurt

To say that what I feel doesn't exist should be a crime

Now I will log-off and eat dessert.

Listening to Cold Little Heart by Michael Kiwanuka

I vibe to his choros

"Bleeding, I'm bleeding!

My cold little heart

Oh I, I can't stand myself"

And so I curl up and cry into my pillow. Pitying myself and my misery. Because I can't even bitterly eat ice cream.