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I want to stop, but i simply can't, He's like a drug that I am addicted. I want to stop, but i simply can't, He's like the Sun, and I am the plant. I am in a hole, Stumbling in a pole, While i looked in his eyes, And tried to disguise, Every time I saw you, I felt like a bullet went through me. And, when you could see me, The way that I was, I fell in love with you. Heart beating so fast, Decisions made so rash, Everything coming down as a thunder crash, And then, memories turned to ash. And I thought I heard you laugh, But turns out it was only my friend, I wish I could have your photograph, To keep with me, while I pretend To not have loved you, No matter how fast.

You know what makes a character so interesting? Their faults, their imperfections, their clumsiness and awkwardness. The way they react to things, Their shyness or bashfulness. So why am I trying to hide those things? Trying to be the perfect little doll for people to play with And in the end cast aside for being too unreal and impossible to achieve? I’m like a Barbie doll: stiff arms and legs, fake smile. Full of broken pieces. I am the second character, the one trying too hard, Overachiever, and regretful, The one drowning in a pool with no lifeguard, No Princess to save here! Just me, the unsuccessful. Run along now, I am not the one you are looking for, Nor what anyone is, in matter of fact, Yeah, I know self pity isn't exactly a pretty affair, But it’s the only thing keeping me afloat. So, what makes a character interesting? All the flaws, and redeeming qualities, But I guess we’ve only talked about one side of things. And that’s ‘cause I am not the hero of my own story.

I wish I could get close to you, I wish I could sit beside you, Look into your eyes, And open up to you. But I simply can't, I can't even talk. You take my words away, Wash all of it all away. And the only thing left, Is the urge to kiss you, And hold you, And do imaginable things with you. Every night, I dream of you, We sit on a bench and talk about anything and everything. From favorite colours to fears, and all in between. We are in a pier, looking at the stars, You teaching me the constellations, And I am telling you about my favorite books. I dream, And wish with all my heart, That all of it could be possible, But it is not, Not possible. Day dreaming as I pass by your class, Glance inside to see you, You look up, our eyes lock. You smile... And I freak out, I love how your eyes light up when you smile, How you blushed when I gave you that bracelet, I love how you tap the pencil when you are thinking, How you try to disguise your laugh and the corner of your mouth lifts up, I love you at every glance and movement you make. You are the reason I get up every morning and smile. I am a fool for wondering the halls waiting for an opportunity to pass you by, To see you, To hear your voice say my name, And feel the chills everytime you say it like that. And I go mad, Again, that urge, I wanna kiss you, And hold you, And do imaginable things with you. We can't be together. So I don't wanna ruin what we already have, So I cry, And dream day and night, Of what we could be if things were different. I prefer to be somewhat close to you, Then to hold you, only to never see you again. I wish that you loved me, I wish, I could ask you to wait for me, And steal kisses every lunch in the bathroom. Everyday testing new things, Feeling new things, Discovering new things. Be my forest, I want to find you, And see the beautiful and scary parts of you, Amazing me in every turn I take, Every patch of light and shadow special, Every exotic fruit you give, Every color you hold, I wish I could see it. Danger has never seemed so sweet, Until now, Until you came along, You are dangerous and I love it. I love you.

You know what they say You got to do it while it’s day But what happens if my day is always night? I gotta try it twice? I walk mile per mile Without a smile It is not easy Sitting on the back seat My everyday Is like rain Dropping, dropping Without stopping I have no one else But myself It is always so hard To say goodbye Sometimes i look at a star And it asks me Do you know who you are? And I fall asleep Dreaming, dreaming Without stopping Laughing, smiling, while clapping It is complicated, i am sick of waiting I have seen it, Feeling it Treat it Seal it When you I met And I have bled I was a mess But now i will forget I got a name I got a flame And one day I will burn down this place Hell God! I am at your door Behind me a war And the clock is ticking Deep Within Me But I will beat it And win If not today, Then one day.

I am old, complete of past memories. I have strong personality, thoughts and opinions. Ink inscribed while in pain or reverie. To understand me, I am always in the same position. Parts of me are stained yellow with coffee. Others are white and creased with tears. I am unique, there is no copy. I know every secret and fear. I could be used as an armour, I have no control. My outside is rough and worn out, I am so divided, but that makes me whole. I have many words, but none can I shout: “Please just let me out!” My spine is almost giving up. I am so tired of opening up. Let me rest where I lie, And hear songs of lullaby. Cradle me one last time, Read your own engraved words, And understand your past prime. I have the feelings of the things you’ve heard, And I will carry them with pride. Lie me down with my sisters and brothers, To which carry more of your past. In my plant made skin, you’ve kept many wonders, Now, do what I’ve asked! I am only one in a collection, And I know I won’t be last. I have many sections, Divided by the days that have passed. I regret the times I could not guide you, The times you needed a hug and encouragement, The times that you were askew and knew! Just when it was too great of a lament… I wanted to have hands, to hold yours while you slept. While my Pillow friend held your head in your bed, When all I could do was watch, while you wept.

Friendships are hard to keep Friendships are easy to lose Every night I wept And drank a lot of booze I drank till I blacked out And dreamt of broken dreams Trying to see in the bottom of the glass the truth But could only find the hurt, the doubt Still, I tried to see fate's schemes Wondering, will I find my other half? Where nobody could hear my screams Will I find someone to make me laugh? I lay down on my bed Thinking of all I wish I could have said I was hurt and angry for what you've shed I hate you and wish you bled I know this is brutal But what can I say? You broke my heart All you say now will be futile I regret one day I've called you my sweetheart You were my friend But when I needed you most You left me alone to mend and to my wound tend I was haunted by your ghost In every mirror, reflection Your face and your voice I cross the wrong street, lost in my direction But now I make my choice You were everything to me But you treated me wrongly So I won't open again and I’ll be free I'll let go of all the chains softly So when you return, All you'll get is scorn. Yew, I stepped on an insect! Oh wait, is that you? Sorry, you are so insignificant that I didn't suspect I'm gonna go now, I've already escaped from your web.

The water was biting cold, bubbles of air leaving the woman’s mouth. The globes of air held images from her family, the good memories floating up to the surface while she sank to the bottom. She struggled against the chains cutting into her skin, but it was futile. She was drowning and she was going to die. Pulled down until the dark swallowed her whole, her muffled screams couldn't be heard anymore. Blond hair fluttering above her, she disappeared into the depths of the ocean, when all the while, a mysterious form circled her with its penetrating gaze. Guarding her. From the smallest of fishes to the greatest of whales, they looked on, unable to do anything, other than wait. Waiting for a miracle to happen. And they watched on as her tears mingled with the water, becoming a part of the ocean, as it entered her mouth, into her lungs and entire being. The only thing she could think of, floating to the land of the living. Again, the form of darkness passed her by. Its many tentacles brushing against her skin. And as It telepathically spoke to the woman, time stopped in its tracks. “Your sister. Why is she on your mind?” Dashing through the immobile water, It took a fish frozen in place and gulped it down. The burning sensation on the woman’s chest suddenly disappeared, and she no longer felt the need to breathe. “She’s in danger.” “I could help her. Is that something you want?” Even seconds away from the Otherworld, she felt no fear for herself, and so, she could only answer the monster in front of her. “Yes.” It smiled at the young woman, and touched her cheek gently. “Then you shall die in the process.” Deal made, contract sealed, time restarted as the creature dove into the shadows, waiting. Waiting as she only again drowned, as her skin became wrinkly and her eyes glazed over. Once a deep green, they turned white as from a dead fish. Her feet were the first thing to touch the ocean floor, and suddenly the waters churned more violently, whipping her hair into her face, the sand scratching her feet and legs. The sand scratched and tore at her clothes, showing finally what lay beneath. Bluish and yellowish bruises around her chest and belly, bruises easily concealed and carefully applied. The ropes on her wrists came apart, and it was in the darkness, where the unspeakable and impossible miracle could not be seen, that the woman became a monster, and her new Master’s bright red eyes twinkled with mirth. “Your wish is granted. She shall not become a victim of fate.” First cover book option I've made for this story.

My life, my soul, my mind, All breaking apart and falling to the ground, No matter how much I try, The house of cards come tumbling down. I feel myself distancing, And my tears surfacing, My body shaking from trying to keep it all in, My body cold, all warmth gone. Nothing matters anymore, I am too far from the shore, Or at least that's what I've been telling myself, I don't want to hurt, but it hurts nonetheless, I fight to keep it in, but when I am alone, I cry and scream, all rushing out like a river stream, And in the end, it is all I can do to not let the dark win.

Prologue The water was biting cold, bubbles of air leaving the woman’s mouth. She struggled against the chains cutting into her skin, but it was futile. She was drowning and she was going to die. She was pulled down by the weight of the chains until the dark swallowed her whole, and her muffled screams couldn't be heard anymore. Hair fluttering above her, she disappeared into the depths of the ocean, when all the while, sharks circled her with their penetrating gaze. Guarding her. From the smallest of fishes to the greatest of whales, they looked on, unable to do anything, other than wait. Waiting for a miracle to happen. And they watched on as her tears mingled with the water, becoming a part of the ocean, as it entered her mouth, into her lungs and entire being. Waiting as her skin became wrinkly and her eyes glazed over. Once a deep green, they turned white as from a dead fish. Her feet were the first thing to touch the ocean floor, and suddenly the water churned more violently, whipping her hair into her face, the sand scratching her feet and legs. As time passed, her clothes disintegrated to show bluish and yellowish bruises around her chest and belly, bruises that were easily concealed and carefully applied so as to not break any bones, but to hurt as much as possible. And as time passed by the sand wore down the ropes until her arms came apart, but the chains in her legs remained. And it was in the darkness, where the unspeakable and impossible miracle could not be seen, that the woman became a monster. ☸ Art Credits: brethdesign -Pinterest

Lies, omission, farce, deception. They are in the faces of everyone you meet. The truth, the cold and hard truth is covered by sweet and sticky falsehood. There are voices in our head that tell us “This is the better way” and “They will never know”. But sooner or later, it will blow on our faces. It is better to have a few friends in our lives rather than a million false ones. To which can some day discover all of the things you omitted. So we become a living farce: hiding our truths, scared to risk it all for something more. Something that will bring us peace. We are so scared to be who we really are, that one day we don't even know where to start. We can look in the mirror and say: “this is me”. But, we ask ourselves, “who is that person, whose hands and eyes are these?”. Deception towards ourselves, for we fool our mind into believing these are only crazy thoughts, those that you have in the shower, or before sleeping. On those ungodly hours that you roll in your bed not being able to sleep. Or on those times that you are in the bathroom of your school or work and you feel like you are going to break and wish you could disappear. You think about how easy it would be to just stop and end everything. But you don't because you are too weak and afraid of what will happen to you. And so the voices get louder and louder: you lie to your family and friends: “Everything is fine!” And then you wonder “How can nobody see how broken I am? How can nobody see through my cracks and my glistening eyes? How can nobody hear the heaviness of my breath, the murmuring in my chest, THE VOICES IN MY HEAD?” Breathe it in, breathe it out. Count from one to ten, or cry out loud. Go for a walk in the park, or lie in bed and into your pillow shout. Listen to music and sing with your broken heart, or dance to it till your muscles spasm. We all have different ways to cope. But no matter what you do, other people will disappoint you so. They play the victim, they abuse you and use you till you are paper thin. They lie through their teeth and blame you for everything. But you gotta rise up and fight day in and day out. Because nobody will protect you from the evils that surround you. Those people you believed and loved and trusted and all the things that you thought made them good. No matter where you go, they will be around you, no matter what faces they wear, or the language they speak or what they believe in. They are the devil and the monsters of life. And you gotta fight to be the one to rise above, the one who is not a monster. And you will be kicked down, punched in the face, have your nose broken and heart destroyed. You will have to ignore the voices in your head and do what your flat and abused heart can whisper in it’s miserable state; you will have to get up even if your bones scream of pain. And maybe, one day, it will be worth it. I can only dream of that day. In which my soul will be at peace, and the bad will be driven away. Maybe one day, the lies, the omission, the farce and deception will be long forgotten memories of the things that have passed. The voices will be non-existent, and your heart, restored.

COLLABORATIVE PROJECT- My part “Hey Chris! Wait up!”‒ Somebody came from behind me and touched my shoulder. A shudder rippled through me. I turn around with a forced smile and see Dale smiling sheepishly at me. His black curly hair was more disheveled than normal and his stature was all gangly limbs and heavy breathing. Sighing, I stopped in my tracks and reached out for his extended hand to shake it, “Hi Dale. Everything alright?” Dale was like a chewing gum that stuck to your shoe and it’s been there for so long that it would just be weird to not have it there anymore. At times annoying, sticking to all sorts of dirt that you later have to get rid off, but under no circumstance will the gum leave your shoe. So you just deal with it. More explicitly speaking, he is my chewing gum because my boss assigned me to protect him. So all the dirt I have to deal with is deserving of all my abilities. But that doesn’t mean I have to like the boy. He has more air than brain in that head of his. Dale finally stops heaving, takes a second look at me with his pale grey eyes and notices my common clothes rather than my usual uniform and flinches. “Today is your rest day, isn’t it?” “Yes. But since you are here, spew it at once. What has happened?” He hesitates, and after a few moments, his shoulders sag. ‒ “I heard from some kitchen girls from the palace- you know how I love going there to eat the sweets they make, and there is this girl Bettie, she is really pretty‒” “Get to the point Dale.” He gulped down and said quickly “They said that they are going to announce the Princess’ future husband tomorrow morning at market day! And that any bachelor is considered a candidate. Even you and me.” I just looked at him. Blinked once. Twice. “What?” “I know! It would have been awesome to marry a princess any other day, but that curse sure does make me all warm and tingly inside. Ha! Truth be told, I am pissing in my pants and wish I was already married to not gamble with the gods’ pranks. But anyways, I just wanted to tell you the news, because anybody who doesn’t show will be executed for breaking the law and…” He stopped to breathe, for he said all of that in one breath. If one thing always surprised me is how much he can talk. And talk he did. And the reason why nobody would not like to marry the princess, ladies and gentlemens, is because Princess Dorothea was cursed by an evil witch. Cursed so that the first person to marry her would die gruesomely. Not long after the curse was known to the pleb that the King and Queen had an idea. Their idea was to marry their daughter to a commoner, and since he was going to die shortafter, she would be free to marry somebody else important, form an alliance and increase their power. But with everybody knowing that, families moved with their sons far away, just to not risk being chosen. I myself would have liked to have moved, but my parents were too occupied with each other to care about me and my siblings. And so I stayed and did the contrary to what they wanted for me: I became part of the royal guard. ♚🕱♛

“I was moving through life. I wasn’t living.” These are the words that haunt my existence. I was young when I heard them from the TV. I was playing on the carpet with my little colorful toys, while my parents sat on the sofa watching their show and ignored my giggles and mumblings. From time to time acknowledging the creations I showed them, and praising my infinite creativity. And then I grew up. I wasn’t a little kid anymore. I was an adult, with my own car, house, and earning my own money. Time passed me by, and left me empty. Long gone was that bright spark. The thing that fueled my creativity that once was so infinite. My creations, long thrown and locked away. Buried, under the dark and forgotten past. Each day passed me by, so black and white, like a photograph with no contrast. It was only when it was too late when I remembered how it felt to feel. Too late to bask in the sunshine; or hear the birds sing; or only to stand still and let the wind whisper to my ears. My hair once brown, turned white, my skin and bones so fragile and old, walking and laughing were so hard, and then the pain made me feel cold, and I was gone. -A Lost Soul